Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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