someone threw a dead crab at me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
