i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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