Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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