So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
