When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
