He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
