i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
