I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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