FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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