Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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