a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Randomize
