I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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