Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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