youre lurking in front of me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
