Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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