I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
