Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize