Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
