My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
