we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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