I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
