Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
