forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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