I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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