i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize