I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
