My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think I am morally bankrupt
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
