Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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