five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize