Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am mentally ready for anal.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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