i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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