i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
