We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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