my vag is so smooth its legendary
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
