so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
