Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
that is very illegal...i love you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
