oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
