The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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