also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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