i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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