I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
