Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
