we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
