screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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