the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We're too hungover to prance.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
