the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
