That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
