my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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