She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
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Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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