Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
