Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
