She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize