i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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