I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
