it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
