Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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