dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
