drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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