I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
